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Thursday, March 31, 2005

The Revolution Continues...

Democrats see shift in political climate

Posted by a4g @ 3/31/2005 07:24:00 AM

Democratic leaders are excited today about their prospects for the 2006 mid-term elections. After many long seasons of losses in the Presidency, both houses of congress, and state governorships and legislatures, Democrats have scored a real win today with the death of Terri Schiavo.

"Forget the sea change in the Middle East, forget the painful election of 2004, forget the rot at the UN. We're really on a roll, now. With the momentum from Terri's death, we're confident we'll sweep into power in the House and Senate in 2006," said a top Democrat advisor.

Katrina Peace, a student at Berkeley, was estatic. "We're crushing America's theocracy!"

I hope there is a God, Terri. And I hope you are with Him. -- A4G

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

The Revolution Continues...

Democrats Expose Fraud of Social Security 'Crisis'

Posted by a4g @ 3/30/2005 03:14:00 PM

Top Democrats, including Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi, today revealed research supporting their contention that the Social Security program is not in any danger of 'bankruptcy', as Republican lawmakers contend.

Showing several graphs at a news conference today, Pelosi explained:
From 1933, when Nazi eugenics laws were passed, to the end of the holocaust, approximately 12,000,000 people were killed, a yearly increase that averages 190% per year. Extrapolating Terri's Schiavo's peaceful, beautiful death out to 2041, increasing 190% per year, we'll be able to beautifully, peacefully dispatch over 11 trillion cripples, retards, and old farts. You can bet your ass there won't be a social security crisis.

Republicans have countered that the Democrat plan will only create a landfill crisis. However, Pelosi and Reid cut short the news conference, as the glowing light on Pelosi's palm had turned to red.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

The Revolution Continues...

Today is UN World Water Day

Posted by a4g @ 3/22/2005 08:54:00 AM

Too bad there isn't enough to go around.

Friday, March 18, 2005

The Revolution Continues...

Legal Scholars Debate Greer's Reasoning

Posted by a4g @ 3/18/2005 05:39:00 PM

Judge Greer, at the center of a right to die controversy.

Legal scholars from all over the nation are debating today the controversial ruling by Florida judge George Greer ordering the removal of the feeding tube from Terri Schaivo despite a outstanding congressional subpoena.
"It's difficult to understand his reasoning, in light of the subpoena," says Kelley Thames, a member of the Michigan State Bar, "It seems like a clear case of judicial overreach. I've never met the man, but his reasoning seems...flawed."
None of the experts contacted could offer any explanation for the judge's actions.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

The Revolution Continues...

Calm Heroine Turns Heart of Court Killer

Posted by a4g @ 3/17/2005 03:14:00 PM

When Ashley Smith returned home to her apartment Saturday morning from a shopping trip, it was to a shock that none of us hope to ever encounter.

Calm faith in God helps heroine change a killer's heart

"Do you know who I am?" the six-foot-one stranger asked.

"Yes," she replied. She recognized his face from the news. It was none other than wanted man Brian Nichols.

The next thing Ashley knew, she was in her apartment, bound and trapped, looking into the eyes of an alleged mass murderer. Some would have panicked, but Ashley was made of something different. She began to talk.

And in talking, she softened the heart of a killer.

"He was totally opposed to drilling in ANWR [the Arctic National Wildlife Preserve]. He heard it would damage the native caribou population-- cause environmental devastation." But Ashley's calm demeanor broke through his hardened defenses.

Killer says, "I now support the Republican plan to drill in ANWR."

"I read to him from Dermot Cole's Amazing Pipeline Stories. How the caribou around the Alaska pipeline are actually flourishing after the construction. He didn't say anything, but I think it touched him somehow."

Pastor John Brennan, of the New Life Evangelical Community of Atlanta thinks someone else was in the apartment with them. "God was there, too. He was speaking through Ashley. He usually votes Republican, and is growing impatient with congressional inaction on this important piece of legislation. I think Brian Nichols could feel that in the room."

Atlanta police spokesperson Alicia Cates believes Ashley was instrumental in Nichol's giving himself up to oil drilling in Alaska. "It's an uncommon courage she showed. If more people were like Ashley, I think we'd be a lot less dependent on foreign sources of oil."

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

The Revolution Continues...

Top Baby Names for 2004

Posted by a4g @ 3/16/2005 08:00:00 AM

The US Census bureau has announced the most popular baby names for 2004. Among the more interesting breakout data among the names are how they break down according to declared polical party affiliation. Here are the top ten boy names for Republicans and Democrats:

Boys (Republican parents):

10. George
9. W
8. George W
7. Dubya
6. George Dubya
5. Jorge
4. Guckert
3. Forty-Three
2. Jenna

and the number one Republican name...

1. Four More Years!

Boys (Democrat parents):

10. Obama
9. Osama
8. Osama Obama
7. JFK [Kennedy version] (tie)
7. JFK [Kerry version] (tie)
5. Kos
4. Guckert
3. Jimmy
2. Jimmah

and the number one Democrat name ...

1. [no name--baby aborted]

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

The Revolution Continues...

WaPo to announce judicial shocker

Posted by a4g @ 3/15/2005 06:58:00 PM

Our highly placed sources have revealed to us that tomorrow's Washington Post will announce a stunning revelation concerning the so-called "Nuclear Option" for confirming justices.

The 'Nuclear Option' refers to a Republican plan to bypass the current filibuster power that Senate Democrats are exercising over certain Bush Administration judicial appointments. The strategy would involve changing Senate rules, requiring a vote of only 51 Senators, to disallow the current sixty vote majority required to bring debate to a close on a particular appointment. The sixty vote requirement would thereby be bypassed.

However, our source has confirmed to us that the Washington Post will report that contrary to claims by the Administration in the long run-up to the judicial appointments, Republican legal investigators have finally admitted that they can find no evidence of a Nuclear Option. Despite the many pronouncements directly from the President himself, it is now believed that there never was a Nuclear Option, or if so, it was long ago destroyed. Some in the administration suggested to the Post that the Nuclear Option may have been sneaked out of the Senate during the last recess, but no evidence has been found to support that claim.

Harry Reid, minority leader in the Senate, is set to respond with the accusation that the President has attempted to drum up support for his "irresponsible" appointments by falsely creating the ominous foreboding of a Nuclear Option in order to mislead the American people.

This story is still developing, and we will report further as we learn more...

Monday, March 14, 2005

The Revolution Continues...

Judge Rules Ban On Gay Marriage in Calif. Unconstitutional

Posted by The Evil Emperor Mindstation @ 3/14/2005 12:48:00 PM

San Francisco County Supreme Court Judge Richard Kramer ruled Monday that California's statewide ban on gay marriage is unconstitutional. In his decision, he cited numerous other occasions of judicial tyranny and international law as the basis. "A basic human right is to be able to stick your wiener in another guy's butt," Kramer said to reporters. "This right has been recognized by nations thoughout human history."

Kramer also cited one of the state's constitutional clauses that says, "All homosexuals are allowed to get married." Our sources were unable to verify whether such a clause exists.

Gay marriage advocates said that punishing someone for having different genes was wrong. Social scientist Judd Garmen commented on this, saying, "Homosexuality is the only human quality that is genetic, everything else is cultural."

Opponents of gay marriage have promised to fight the ruling but were told by state courts to "give up."

Saturday, March 12, 2005

The Revolution Continues...

Liveblogging Brian Nichols Transfer

Posted by a4g @ 3/12/2005 02:45:00 PM

Brian Nichols, the rapist-turned-murderer has been captured!

I will be liveblogging his transfer back to Atlanta as soon as it occurs.


...Okay, here we go. It looks like they're going to transfer him. I'm flipping between CNN, MSNBC, and FOX.

...He just got walked into a large black SUV. The transfer has begun.

...Showing footage of the SUV moving down city streets.

...Rerun of the footage of him being put into the SUV. This is getting intense. It appears he was wearing a light T-shirt and light pants. I'll have to see it again to be sure.

...Vehicles moving along the road. Black SUV shows no signs of stopping. There's several vehicles. Can't tell how many.

...Footage of him being put into the SUV again.

...Caravan of black vehicles are still travelling.

...Footage of him being put into the SUV again, from a different angle. Expert on CNN describing police procedure. Wait--they just explained footage wasn't from a different angle, but from earlier in the day. Okay, there we go, footage of him being put into the SUV again. Nice. I'm almost sure the T-shirt was light blue.

...Vehicles moving along the road. Based on the shadows on the road, I'd guess the direction hasn't changed.

...Footage of him being put into the SUV again. FOX has retired police officer talking about court security.

...Vehicles moving along freeway. I think I see at least three vehicles. Hard to tell. Direction unclear... strike that, it is definitely the same direction.

...Footage of him being put into the SUV again. Tense.

...Vehicles are moving along the freeway, but there are trees sometimes blocking the view. I hope the police helicopters aren't losing track of their location. I'm a little worried about the planning of this transfer. I'm pretty sure they've turned. No, cancel that--they're still headed in the same direction.

...Footage of him being put into the SUV again. I'm almost certain the pants are khaki, but I can't tell the fabric. Could be sweats?

...Footage of him being put into the SUV again.

...Footage of him being put into the SUV again.

...Footage of him being put into the SUV again.

...Footage of him being put into the SUV again.

...Footage of him being put into the SUV again.

...Okay, the trees are gone. I think I see the courthouse. Yes, it is the courthouse. The SUV has stopped. Police are approaching.

...Footage of him being put into the SUV again.

...That's it. They did it. That sucker is transferred!

...Footage of him being put into the SUV again. Then a shot of him being taken out of the SUV. Sweet!

...That's it for this session of liveblogging. That was quite an experience, eh? I'll definitely try this again sometime.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

The Revolution Continues...

For Dan Rather, Retirement Brings New Challenges

Posted by The Evil Emperor Mindstation @ 3/10/2005 06:05:00 PM

He once reigned supreme over the jewel in the crown of network news, the anchor of the vaunted CBS evening news broadcast. He was on call any minute of the day or night, ready to break an important bulletin.

But he's no longer Mr. Rather anymore. Now, they just call him Dan.

"You'd think he'd be all high and mighty," says Charlie Pruitt, "but I think he's truly happy here." Charlie is one of Dan's new found friends, who he faithfully meets each morning to discuss the day's news stories over coffee. But instead of the unblinking eye of CBS, now they chat under the golden arches.

"I've got to have my coffee," says Lorraine Liebowitz. "So does Dan. We call that corner over there 'The Newsroom'. He fits right in here."

"He gets here right at six fifteen every morning, right on time," says a man who identified himself only as Pete. "Sets up his things, goes to work on his stories. One thing Dan has learned here, is that it's not where you are that makes you important, but what you are."

Rather works on a story from 'The Newsroom'

Rising Anti-Semitism Forces European Commision To Act

Posted by a4g @ 3/10/2005 07:39:00 AM

The European Commission, responding to a secret internal report issued late last week which ominously details rising anti-semitism within the EU, today issued a ruling which commissioners believe will calm tensions within member states.

According to a highly placed source within the commission, the spelling of "Joooooos!" will be augmented to "Jooooooos!" The commission will officially announce the change at a Friday ceremony, with full implementation required on or before May 1, 2005. It is believed the addition of the seventh "o" will, "calm tensions, ease fears, and help European Muslim and Christian alike to express themselves with greater clarity."

Some in the French government have already vowed to block the ruling, claiming that adding a single "o" is only a half-measure, and are strongly pushing to enact the widespread French preference for either nine or twelve "o"'s.

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

The Revolution Continues...

White House Issues Farewell Statement to Dan Rather

Posted by a4g @ 3/09/2005 06:04:00 PM

Congratulating CBS anchor Dan Rather, who retires today from 24 years as the anchor of the CBS Evening news, President Bush this morning authorized the Executive Branch to issue the Cheney Directive to bid a fond farewell to the veteran newscaster.

An excerpt from the official statement:

Bush Bids Fond Farewell to Dan Rather

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

The Revolution Continues...

John Bolton Nominated for US ambassador to UN

Posted by a4g @ 3/08/2005 04:16:00 PM

John Bolton, the tough-talking, gun-slinging, hanging judge of an undersecretary of state, whose neo-con credentials include wanting to take over the world and loving money, has been nominated by George W "Take that, hippies" Bush to be the new US ambassador to the UN.

As ambassador, Bolton's responsibilities include offending otherwise strong allies so much that they will work against their own self-interest just to spite us, skimming at least a little graft from the UN spoils to return to the American taxpayer, and getting "some fine 14-year-old Congo poontang!"

Artists rendition of John Bolton addressing the UN General Assembly

Monday, March 07, 2005

The Revolution Continues...

Mandatory Boring Entry

Posted by a4g @ 3/07/2005 03:04:00 PM

In keeping with the spirit of Blogging, this entry will serve as the irratating, disappointing 'this is my pet interest even though its totally off topic for the usual content of my blog'-type entry that your favorite blog posts when you want them to talk about the same great stuff they always talk about.

Like how is one little post that takes you like three seconds to scan and ignore still manage to make you so pissed off? Like I want that three seconds of my life back, you fucking asshole! I know I usually love your blog and think its great, and its free, and I never have put anything in the tip jar, but you betrayed me, you dickwad. Democrats, middle east, something, please.
But your new plasma TV -- I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!
Your mountain bike -- I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!
How you voted in the Dartmouth Trustee election -- I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!


So fair warning-- I'm about to waste the three seconds it will take you to figure out you don't want to read this, so don't post any comments about how pissed off you are, okay?

So here it is:

From the Heartland Horseshoeing School:
The horse is a noble beast that has no say in what happens to it. Tied by a lead rope, the horse has come under the nippers of many an unskilled horseshoer. This is not acceptable to the horse, to the horses' owner, or the farrier. The horse-owning public is quickly becoming aware that there is a difference between right and wrong. There are no gray areas where this is concerned.
We may disagree on many things, on America's place in the world, on the dangers of islamofascism and the place of the government in our lives. But has a more lyric tribute to the farrier's art ever been made? I think not.

Saturday, March 05, 2005

The Revolution Continues...

Bush Admin's Assassination Of Italian Journalist Fails

Posted by The Evil Emperor Mindstation @ 3/05/2005 09:56:00 AM

U.S. Forces opened fire on an Italian journalist Giuliana Sgrena as she and an Italian intelligence officer were headed towards Baghdad Airport. Sgrena had recently been released from her captors and was headed back to Italy.

"The US has targeted Sgrena and will stop at nothing until she is dead" said Eason Jordon in an exclusive interview "[the US] is angry about the tape she was forced to make and wants her dead" The tape being a video released last month showing her pleading for her life and ordering colalition troops to leave Iraq.

Sbrena "had uncovered something the US doesn't want people to know, that's why they faked her kidnapping and tried to kill her. It was probably about Bush rigging last year's election" Jordon later commented.

"I was there when Mazen Dana was killed; he had pictures of US troops committing war crimes and I have the pictures to prove it." An unnamed Journalist said, "This goes all the way to Furher Bush." He declined to surrender the photographs when asked.

Preparing for A Long, Hard Winter

Posted by a4g @ 3/05/2005 09:49:00 AM

Democrats are digging in for a cruel winter of hardship and sorrow. A sense of dread, disappointment and depression has settled over the once supremely powerful political party. But Democrat strategists and liberal pundits place the blame for this bleak, bleary state with an unlikely source: Howard Dean.

"The first week was unbelievable--I was euphoric, a fantasy come true," says Linda Koslovski, a Democrat fundraiser from the battleground state of Ohio. "He said everything we've all been thinking--oh how we hate Republicans."

But Dean's chairmanship of the DNC has taken a decidedly controversial tone. "It's been two days, and he hasn't said anything good," complains Chad Logan, of the Florida Young Democrats. "No 'I Hate Republicans', no 'they're evil, we're good' -- who does this guy think he is? Come on, Dean, did you sell out to the machine?"

Democrats are wondering how long the drought will last. "It's painful. Actually physically painful," says Sarah Yui. "We already live in this oppressive Bushitler police state where the Hatriot Act constricts our every movement, and then to know that Dean just won't say anything about it! He's been doing nothing for over 42 hours-- Nothing! I CAN'T TAKE IT!"

Protestors are considering campus unrest if the situation continues. United Action, a UC Berkeley based group, issued the following statement: "We're giving Dean the opportunity to appear on a Sunday show, like This Week, or Tim Russert. He knows what we want to hear. That is our absolute deadline before we begin campuswide resistive action."

We were unable to contact Dean when preparing this article.

Friday, March 04, 2005

The Revolution Continues...

Campaign Financing Law Sets Agenda For Upcoming Posts

Posted by The Evil Emperor Mindstation @ 3/04/2005 07:48:00 PM

In compliance with the new limitations on blogging coming from the McCain/Feingold Campaign Financing Act, we have recieved approval from the FEC for our upcoming posts. You may notice a slight change in tone around here. Revised list of upcoming topics:
  • Democrats Super Good, Republicans Super Evil
  • Bush Discovered To Be Anti-Christ, Democrats Say I Told You So
  • Karl Rove Plans To Takeover World, Can Howard Dean Stop Him?
  • New Nat'l Guard Docs Revealed: Bush's Real Name Chimpy McHitler!
  • Free Market Economy Causes Cancer, New Study Says
  • Ted Kennedy: All Drugs Should Be Legalized, But Bush Still Evil For Taking Them
  • Lower Taxes Cause Poverty, New Theory Suggests

'The Gates' Artist Christo Announces New Project Amid Controversy

Posted by a4g @ 3/04/2005 05:05:00 PM

Artist Christo, responsible for wrapping fabric around the Pont Neuf bridge, several islands in the Caribbean, and the recent 'The Gates' in New York's Central Park, today announced at a news conference his next planned installation.

The announcement was made amid controversy surrounding the financing of 'The Gates'. According to police spokesman John Pollard, New York police have begun an investigation to discover "how the hell he got 25 million bucks together to build all this crap?"

Speculation has swirled around the installation since its opening. "What the f**k is this? Twenty five freakin million dollars? What the f**k?" said a park goer, who refused to identify himself.

"The department doesn't believe this can be legitimate," said Pollard, "It seems to be some kind of money laundering operation, or fabric-buying scam, or... something. The mob has got be involved somehow. Don't they?"

In response to Christo's announcement of his new project, media reports were mostly silent, as no one really cares or, frankly, can remember what the hell he was talking about. Fabric, color, space, shape. I don't know. Whatever.

Thursday, March 03, 2005

The Revolution Continues...

Terrorists Threaten To Poison Water Supply, Homeland Security Not Worried

Posted by The Evil Emperor Mindstation @ 3/03/2005 09:24:00 PM

Earlier this morning, Al Jazeera made public a statement from Al Qaida, which, among other things, threatened to poison America's water supplies. Incoming Homeland Security director Michael Chertoff issued a statement saying, "No one important will be harmed. Most Americans middle class and above don't drink tap water. I'm sure there are other people in America, but frankly, I don't know who they are."

"[Middle class] people just don't drink tap water anymore, its gone the way of Amtrak and
JFK Jr.," said Frank Barnes, spokesman for the American Beverage Council. "People drink Coke and Fuji water, not that crap that comes from your sink... Have you actually tried tap water lately?"

The White House declined to comment.

Hitler drops to 7 on Hitler list

Posted by a4g @ 3/03/2005 01:02:00 PM

Continuing a fall that has been steadily progressing since the mid 90's, Hitler today fell to number seven in the annual Hitler ranking results released today.

The List:

1. Bush = Hitler
2. Rove = Hitler
3. Social Security Reform = Hitler
4. Republicans = Hitler
5. Cheney = Hitler
6. Defense of Marriage Amendment = Hitler
7. Hitler = Hitler
8. Factory Chicken Farms = Hitler
9. Officer Involved Shootings = Hitler
10. Parental Notification for Abortions = Hitler

A dissapointed Hitler watches in vain as his ranking slips further in annual Hitler List.

Other notable connections from further down the list:

866. Kim Jung Il = Hitler
1034. Arafat = Hitler
1233. Osama Bin Laden = Hitler

Hitler continues to be the only actual evil thing in the top ten.

UPDATE: Jay Tea is discussing.

UPDATE 6/16: Michelle Malkin is talking about Hitlers everywhere. I'm so weak, and so fond of this post, I can't help putting a fresh coat of makeup on it and whoring it out.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

The Revolution Continues...

Network Execs Renew FCC Demands

Posted by a4g @ 3/02/2005 07:11:00 PM

Network executives from four major networks renewed demands of the FCC today to loosen broadcast bandwith regulations so that additional channels could be added to the television spectrum. Representatives from CBS, NBC, ABC and FOX, in a joint letter to outgoing FCC Commissioner Michael Powell, called for at least one extra channel a piece to satisfy 'consumer demand for additional gay characters'.

Dan Warren, spokeman for ABC, explained, "there are currently only twenty four hours in the broadcast day, and this is simply not enough time to offer the backlog of gay-themed storylines in our production queue. We currently have a number of scripts including a total of seven gay couples, eight wacky gay neighbors, five interior decorators, celebrity gay adoption, and four thoughtful HIV-positive characters who are finding their own way to cope in a world that would like to pretend they don't exist."

The FCC did not respond to our request for an interview.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

The Revolution Continues...

Man accidentally links web page to self

Posted by a4g @ 3/01/2005 07:20:00 PM

A Colombus, OH man accidentally linked his web page to itself on Tuesday, with disasterous results. While posting a short essay to his blog (short for web log, a type of internet-based diary), Gene Raynat accidentally hyperlinked to the very entry he was working on. Not realizing his error, he posted.

A reader of his blog later in the day clicked on the link, opening an infinite regression that resulted in a fatal explosion that killed Carl Sheldon of Eugene, OR and three other family members in his home. Additionally, internet traffic in the northwest was shut down for several hours while damaged servers were rebooted.

Here is the link that Mr. Raynat posted.

BREAKING NEWS: Supreme Court rules democracy unconstitutional in 5-4 decision

Posted by a4g @ 3/01/2005 03:29:00 PM

In a widely expected decision, the Supreme Court of the United States today declared democracy unconstitutional. The majority decision in Supreme Court of the United States v. Justice cites the fact that "the shifting makeup of US legislative bodies can no longer be trusted to express the current direction of international law. The purpose of the Constitution is to provide a foundation of unchangable law upon which the American nation can grow."

"What the court has done," says professor and constitutional scholar Stephen Lupman, "is fulfill what the founding framers intended when writing the Constitution as the supreme law of the land. How can the uncertainty and turmoil that comes from fickle legislative bodies express the fundamental truths and inalienable rights spoken of therein? The court in this decision takes its place as the supreme arbiter of all law and procedure throughout the land."

Under the ruling, all federal, state, and local legislative bodies are abolished, and replaced by judges and magistrates who will rule directly from the Constitution on all matters of law and policy. On a side note, all existing copies of the Constitution will be collected and stored for the convenience of the American people.

The dissent was not available for review, as Justices Scalia, Rehnquist, O'Connor, and Thomas were summarily executed under the authority of the ruling.

In summation, Justice Kennedy writing for the majority, says, "Go fuck yourself, America!"

German unemployment rate soars to new heights in February

Posted by The Evil Emperor Mindstation @ 3/01/2005 03:14:00 PM

In an completely unexpected turn of events, unemployment reached an all time high in Germany. The massive number of unemployed has been attributed to the slow growth of the Germany economy; 1% growth predicted in 2005. This has prompted many German lawmakers to push for a nationwide ban on slow economic growth and unemployment.

"It just isn't fair!" Frederick Von Hegel, a German legislator, said on Saturday. "American imperialism is hurting Germany. The instability in the Middle East is spilling over into Europe... The [instability] has leapfrogged
over Turkey, Hungary and Austria, straight into Germany".

Mohammad, a Berlin Imam, said to reporters "[The] Zionist Israelis are starting their war against the Most Blessed Prophet, they are trying to subvert Islam's cowardly infidel slave Germany". The EU has refused official comment but has hinted at high level American involvement.

Could this be the work of Karl Rove?

Michael Jackson stirs anticipation, hope at prison

Posted by a4g @ 3/01/2005 06:57:00 AM

Randy Bachner, Entertainment Tonight Correspondant
Santa Barbara, California

Star power reaches into even the dimmest corners of our penal system. Inmates in the California Men's Colony expressed myriad emotions at the opening of Michael Jackson's trial for child molestation Monday in a Santa Barbara Courtroom. For the inmates of this hardboiled prison in the bucolic hills north of Jackson's Neverland Ranch, thoughts of soon greeting the King of Pop created a sense of excitement in their otherwise drab gray concrete world.

"He's got a real purty mouf," says James Blackwell, a swarthy, barrel-chested inmate doing hard time for armed robbery and drug possession, "Real purty."

When asked about the thrill of meeting a star of Jackson's caliber, Jamal Ali Olatungi, in for 15 years for second-degree murder, says, "He looks so tiny and frail, kind of like a woman. A lot like a woman. I bet his hands are soft."

The prisoners didn't seem to mind the possibility of Hollywood-style glamour invading their correctional facility should Jackson be found guilty. "He don't look too strong, not too strong at all," says Blackwell. "I bet a person could hold him down real easy."

Michael Jackson tries to shield photographers from capturing his "real purty mouf"

And the thought that dinner in the communal mess hall might be accompanied by a table-top Jackson serenading the prisoners with a capella versions of hits such as "Billy Jean" or "Thriller"? Larry Billis, doing 25 to life for the gruesome torture killing of a rival gang member, sums it up best, "It makes you wonder if all his skin is that color, or just the parts that usually show."