Pope Condemns Harry Potter

Pope Benedict XVI, in a just published letter that was written before he became the 265th pontiff of the Roman Catholic Church, criticized the Harry Potter children's novels, calling the books "subtle seductions that... have a deep effect and corrupt the Christian faith in souls even before it could properly grow."

His comments have sparked an uproar among Harry Potter fans.

"This attack against us cannot be tolerated. We are not a bunch of crazed Satan worshippers," said a woman who identified herself as Morning Autumn, as she proceeded through the intricate rituals necessary to place a curse on Pope Benedict. She was part of a large crowd of dorks congregated around a downtown Seattle bookstore, awaiting the Friday release of the 6th book in the Harry Potter series, entitled Harry Potter and the Late Onset Acne.

The furor has forced the Pope to clarify his statements to indicate that his main objection to the books is not "the charming witchcraft and wizardry," but that Harry Potter is "too racially impure". The Pope, however has said that his opposition has nothing to do with the he time spent in the Hitler Youth, involvement that was entirely coerced, and "just one of those crazy things we German youth were doing at the time."

"Zis Harry Potter. He is black hair and green eyes. Much better would be the blonde hair and blue eyes," the Pope said through his spokesman.

The Vatican provided this photoshopped picture to Point Five, with a note from Benedict XVI saying, "I like the unique scar on Harry Potter's forehead, but I felt it was backwards, and there should be two of them."

- The Evil Emperor Mindstation, P.Z.I.C.