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Monday, June 27, 2005

NASA to Blow Up Comet "Just Because"

Posted by The Evil Emperor Mindstation @ 6/27/2005 04:33:00 PM

NASA scientists announced today plans to explode the comet Tempel 1. After admitting that obliterating the comet would serve no scientific purpose, NASA scientist John Berry explained, "You have to understand, we scientists have been working tirelessly for the benefit of mankind for the last 400 years. We all agreed it was time for a break. So we've decided to take a year off from science, and use some of our equipment for some projects we've really been itching to try. We thought it would be cool to see a comet blow up."

NASA artist rendition of Comet Tempel 1 being destroyed, as viewed from space.
Although the plan currently calls for a conventional payload, scientists are discussing the feasibility of nuclear ordinance. The main point of disagreement seems to center around which would make "the most bitchin' explosion".

Dr. Berry also revealed that the recent failed launch of a solar sail spacecraft was purposely caused by scientists. "You know we thought, Hey, we're taking a year off anyway, why put an expensive spacecraft into orbit that no one is going to be around to operate or monitor? So instead we filled the launch vehicle with high explosives and an old Pac-Man machine that Dr. Fenester had in his garage."

He noted that preliminary data indicates that the resulting explosion of the Russian-made rocket was 63.2% "awesome" and 36.8% "gnarly".

White House officials have assured that day-to-day life for most of the public will be unaffected by the absence of the scientists, as the "near-unanimous scientific consensus on global warming" is not scheduled to be overturned by "stunning new evidence" until late 2008.

-The Evil Emperor Mindstation, P.Z.I.C.

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Linked on Mudville Gazette, Outside The Beltway, Basil's Blog.


Comments are open and unmoderated.
Abusive, hateful or irresponsible comments were probably posted by one of the contributors.
At 6/27/2005 08:28:00 PM, Anonymous malclave ...
I am shocked and appalled at NASA's perfidy. How can we stand for this? Why has the media not picked up on this, nay, why are they not shouting this story from the very mountaintops themselves?

The blew up a Pac-Man machine? Justice demands a congressional investigation!
At 7/04/2005 06:32:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous ...

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