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Thursday, June 30, 2005

a4g's Eleven

Posted by The Evil Emperor Mindstation @ 6/30/2005 06:35:00 AM

When, in the depths of primordial time, men crawled up from the mudpits of barbarity and painted the first satirical pictographs onto cave walls, man has searched for the perfect expression of the humorists' art.

To say things have been a little "sub-par" here lately at Point Five would be undeservedly generous. In an effort to break the logjam, with great risk and even greater expense, I, The Evil Emperor Mindstation, am assembling a crack team for one purpose and one purpose only: To create the greatest work of satire ever crafted by man.

My goal is a lofty one. My journey, hard. My actions, illegal. There will be many obstacles in my way. However, I am confident that I can accomplish my goal.

In honor of the blogger who holds the administrative keys to this site, I have dubbed the eight man team, a4g's Eleven.

Occupation: Professional Dyspeptic
Specialty: Figurehead
Pros: Knows HTML, PHP.
Cons: Uses too much body spray.

The Evil Emperor Mindstation
Occupation: Emperor
Specialty: Jack-booted justice
Pros: Monarch, access to the wealth of the Empire, charming smile.
Cons: Imperial coffers valued at only $27.66, grossly incompetent, easily duped.

Occupation: Zoo animal
Specialty: Computer hacking
Pros: Able to gain access to nearly any electronic system.
Cons: Easily distracted by bananas, lacks opposable thumbs.

Prof. Stephen Hawking
Occupation: Professor
Specialty: Astrophysics
Pros: Genius-level intelligence, able to gain university funding for almost any project as long as it sounds sciencey.
Cons: Easily distracted by female coeds, famously incontinent.

Lara Croft
Occupation: Star of the video game Tomb Raider
Specialty: Treasure Hunting
Pros: Hot, has pinpoint accuracy with handguns, capable of incredible acrobatic feats, hot.
Cons: As the only female on the team, it would be nice if she were real.

Mr. T
Occupation: Anti-drug activist
Specialty: Bad attitude
Pros: Heartwarming capacity to show pity for fools.
Cons: No matter how much firepower he's provided, he still couldn't hit the broadside of a barn.

Dame Edna
Occupation: Performer
Specialty: Master of disguise
Pros: Expert skills allow him to blend in with almost any crowd.
Cons: All disguises look pretty much like Dame Edna.

Tom Clancy
Occupation: Novelist
Specialty: Strategy and tactics
Pros: Immense knowledge of all things military.
Cons: Never showed up.

We're going deep into unknown comedy territory, and we hope that we will be prepared for whatever challenges lie ahead. I'll update you on our progress when circumstances warrant.

In the meantime, won't you please enjoy the regular helping of crap that we dish out daily?

- The Evil Emperor Mindstation, P.Z.I.C.

NEXT EPISODE: Mindstation's Eleven: Episode One - Shrine of the Kuo-Toa


Comments are open and unmoderated.
Abusive, hateful or irresponsible comments were probably posted by one of the contributors.
At 6/30/2005 07:48:00 PM, Blogger a4g ...
I can't believe you made me him. Now my lifelong erotic obsession with Rosemary Clooney seems somehow.... wrong.
At 7/01/2005 03:08:00 AM, Blogger UNIONIST ...
Can I join the team, you need a union rep. to make sure that you are not violating the union work rules.

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