Judge Rules Ban On Gay Marriage in Calif. Unconstitutional

San Francisco County Supreme Court Judge Richard Kramer ruled Monday that California's statewide ban on gay marriage is unconstitutional. In his decision, he cited numerous other occasions of judicial tyranny and international law as the basis. "A basic human right is to be able to stick your wiener in another guy's butt," Kramer said to reporters. "This right has been recognized by nations thoughout human history."

Kramer also cited one of the state's constitutional clauses that says, "All homosexuals are allowed to get married." Our sources were unable to verify whether such a clause exists.

Gay marriage advocates said that punishing someone for having different genes was wrong. Social scientist Judd Garmen commented on this, saying, "Homosexuality is the only human quality that is genetic, everything else is cultural."

Opponents of gay marriage have promised to fight the ruling but were told by state courts to "give up."