Unauthorized Autobiography of Al Franken to Be Released

Point Five Press is proud to announce the release date of the totally unauthorized autobiography of Al Franken. This explosive book is sure to incite controversy from the public-- and even the author, Al Franken himself! Peer into the innermost thoughts of one of America's greatest liberal thinkers. And the best thing is, because we're calling it an autobiography, the only person he can sue is himself! Here are some highlights from this deeply intellectual and nuanced autobiography.

On Why The Republicans Are Liars:

• "My website is about as inviting as a big fat greasy turd."
• "I accuse others of being liars so no one will notice that I'm a stupid nerd with man-boobs."

On Politics and the War in Iraq:

• "It's amazing, I am an idiot and I also look like an idiot."
• "We select the 'Daily 'Al Franken Show' Audio Highlight' by determining the least moronic thing I've said that day."

On Religion and Bush:

• "I sold my soul to the devil, but instead of asking for talent, all I asked for was these dumb glasses. I am such an idiot."
• "Did you know that 'blog' stands for web log?"

Available May 1st at bookstores nationwide.

Wall Street Suffers Two Year Low, Collapse Imminent

Wall Street suffered its single worst day in two years Friday. The Dow Jones average dropped 191.24 points, continuing its streak of triple digit losses to 10,087.51 points. Howard Dean, DNC chair, announced Saturday, after consulting democratic party mathematicians, that a economic collapse is imminent. "If we extrapolate this loss over a period of three months we are looking at a complete and total economic collapse" Dean said "This is why I have laid out a four point plan for getting the economy back on track".

The following is a list of the official 'four points'.

• Comrades shall receive 17% less foodstuffs until the current crisis has ended
• Evil capitalist industry shall be consolidated under party control to be distributed for the good of all citizens
• DJIA shall be set at 11,000 as of Monday, April 18, and shall be increased 200 points per business day thereafter
• If the economy does not improve the party reserves the right to increase the DJIA more than 200 points as it sees fit

Republicans were unavailable for comment as rehearsals for the HMS Pinafore are still ongoing.

Point Five Revolution Continues!

The eventual domination of all media by "Point Five" blog (short for 'web log') continues today as we have reached 24th on google when you search for "nazi eugenics terri schiavo 11 trillion". If you wish to duplicate this result, make sure to check the spelling carefully, as any deviation will not yield any results at all. DO NOT CHANGE THE WORD ORDER. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.

Your Point Five Masters continue to plot and plan....



UPDATE:

Did you know that blog is short for 'web log'? -- a4g

Volunteer Border Patrol Upsets "Real" Border Patrol

John Hansan of the Mexico-America border watchdog agency MABWA has issued these helpful pointers in discerning "real" border patrol agents from volunteers.

• Volunteers are concerned about the effect on our nation on illegal immigration; "real" agents are concerned about angering Washington with too many deportations
• Volunteers agents worry about the repercussions of angering the men they call "coyotes"; "real" agents worry about the repercussions of angering the man they call "Fox"
• Volunteers respect the laws of America and obey all posted speed limits; "real" agents respect all laws of America, except those dealing with immigration
• Volunteers are trained to observe immigrant crossing points from a safe distance; "real" agents are trained to be nowhere near crossing points

Gore TV Set to Air in August, Rupert Murdoch Satan

Al Gore recently unveiled his new TV network, Current, at the annual cable industry convention. The channel is designed to"[empower the] generation of young people in their 20s, the 18 to 34 population, to engage in a dialogue of democracy and to tell their stories about what's going in their lives in the dominant media of our time," said Gore.

No one quite knows what the hell Gore is talking about.


UPDATE: (April 5, 6:10 PM)

Rupert Murdoch still Satan.