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Thursday, June 09, 2005

Return To Wal-Mart

Posted by The Evil Emperor Mindstation @ 6/09/2005 07:38:00 AM

(To follow the Emperor's trip from the beginning, click here.)

Thursday Morning

It may not surprise you that I decided this morning to detour while on my regular constitutional walk, to instead pay a surprise visit to my dearest Cindy.

The morning air was brisk as we reached the entry doors of Wal-Mart. I had my entourage part, and I strode from their midst, bursting through the automatic entry and loudly announcing my presence with a declaration of affection for my love.

So it was without my usual wall of protection that the Wal-Mart security guards were able to tackle me to the ground. Perhaps it was not wise to announce my presence, perhaps I should have instructed my faithful Deiter and Franz to turn down the volume on the high wattage sound system that they constantly carry on the Imperial flanks, braying Wagner's triumphant Ride of the Valkyries on endless loop to announce my presence.

Whatever my error, I found myself pressed hard against a linoleum floor. My guards, bless their chivalry, did not act on my hasty cries to execute the impudent Wal-Mart guards. No, instead my retinue scattered, understanding well that it would not improve the Imperial reputation to have my guards beat senseless two geriatric Wal-Mart greeters.

"She doesn't want to see you," said one of the greeters. I think it was the old lady, but both their voices were so wizened that it was hard to tell.

"Damn commerce! Damn reason!" I yelled. "I must see Cindy!"

But the Imperial Will was not to be satisfied on this encounter. The jackbooted goons at Wal-Mart would not allow me to pass. Perhaps the Walton family will have to be added to the list of Imperial Enemies. I will think on it.

As it is, I eagerly await tonight, when Cindy and I will meet again.

Perhaps some other time I will have the opportunity to recount the tale of how I escaped the security room, the countless cameras, the local authorities who had been summoned to deal with me. But that time is not now.

I have a pressing engagement that I must attend to. I'll give you the details later today.

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