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Friday, June 10, 2005

Best Dressed Legislator Awards Ceremony

Posted by The Evil Emperor Mindstation @ 6/10/2005 03:17:00 PM

(To follow the Emperor's trip from the beginning, click here.)

Friday Afternoon

The moment that this entire week has been building to is finally upon us.

Senators and Representatives in the audience quiet themselves and take their seats, as the grand chamber of legislation and debate anxiously awaits a speaker.

But the man taking the podium is not there to filibuster.

No, he is a man of a different sort; a man to whom rambling speeches and pontification are foreign.

Ted Kennedy wipes mustard off his mouth and brushes the crumbs off his shirt. A lone figure approaches the podium, radiating raw sexuality and pure evil. The sounds of Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries echoes through the chamber.

"Senators, Representatives, I would like to welcome you all to the Point Five Blog's First Annual 'Best Dressed Legislator' Awards Ceremony." I rip open my shirt, and my bare-chested torso glints and sparkles, drawing gasps of amazement from the audience.

A fresh chest shaving is important before any major speech.

This is the moment I have prepared for all week. I have endured many trials and suffered much heartache. I now have but one purpose, to fulfill my solemn duty to hand out awards.

Note: I will not be giving awards to female Senators as I do not recognize the 19th amendment.

The Robert C. Byrd Picture of Sen. Robert C. Byrd (D-WV) comes in 6th place with his dazzling dark red tie and crisp suit.

Rep. Nathan Deal (R-GA) takes home the less-than-expected 5th place trophy.

Underdog Rep. Don Young (R-AK) surprises critics and takes home the 4th place trophy with his snappy suit and charming smile.

Ken Salazar (D-CO), wowing judges with his daring blue tie, takes home the 3rd place trophy in a hotly contested race for 2nd

Although in a fierce race with Sen. Salazar, Sen. Sam Brownback (R-KS) dazzled judges with his mini-checkerboard tie, winning him 2nd place.

Treacherous Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) wins the 1st place trophy in an absolute blowout, taking 1st on every judges scorecard, but it is believed he will compromise with Sen. Byrd later this evening to take 6th.

And so I triumphantly conclude my trip to Washington. I will soon board the G550, and leave this hellhole of a city.

- The Evil Emperor Mindstation, P.Z.I.C.

>>The Final Post Just Ahead>>


Comments are open and unmoderated.
Abusive, hateful or irresponsible comments were probably posted by one of the contributors.
At 6/12/2005 05:42:00 PM, Blogger UNIONIST ...
Please forgive the informal way I speak to my Lord

Our most beloved and Godlike Emperor
From: Mindstations secret police

Please come home immediately, the peasant started a revolt against your great and noble rule. We have taking many losses and your extravagant palace in under siege by the slave labor class. Your army is demoralize and unmotivated to fight their countryman your present is needed to give them the inspiration to fight on, as Saddam Hussein gave his Republican Guards the inspiration to fight on in the first and second gulf war.
On your way back could you pick-up a diet coke?
At 6/12/2005 07:12:00 PM, Blogger The Evil Emperor Mindstation ...
To: Secret Police Commandant Unionist
From: His Most Imperiousness The Evil Emperor Mindstation

When I hired you, you advertised yourself as experienced in 'Teamster style' repression. I must express my disappointment in your not controlling the masses with enough brutality.

Remember, a few broken thumbs go a long way.

In response to your plea for assistance, I advise you to proceed with the usual plan of allowing the peasants to seize the palace. Then, when they have taken up residence with their families: gas, rinse, repeat.
At 6/13/2005 12:36:00 AM, Blogger UNIONIST ...
Dear Emperor,

When you conscripted me to run you’re Secret Police, you were fully conscious of my talent to eliminate your opponents and allies by what ever means necessary. As always your advices is timely as ever, it would seem however that the peasant under ground have recruited the legendary hero and all around good guy actor Keanu Reeves to lead their forces to victory over your evil computer. With this legendary hero and all around good guy actor Keanu Reeves as their leader it would seem that are forces are doom, to gaze upon more and more of his movies. We can not take much more of this repeated butchery of the thespian forte. We will concede soon if not for your timely intervention. Please save us from legendary hero and all around good guy actor Keanu Reeves.

Bye the way when you pick-up the diet-coke for me can you grab some Milkyway bars too?

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