Best Dressed Legislator Awards Ceremony
Posted by The Evil Emperor Mindstation @ 6/10/2005 03:17:00 PM
(To follow the Emperor's trip from the beginning, click here.)
Friday Afternoon
The moment that this entire week has been building to is finally upon us.
Senators and Representatives in the audience quiet themselves and take their seats, as the grand chamber of legislation and debate anxiously awaits a speaker.
But the man taking the podium is not there to filibuster.
No, he is a man of a different sort; a man to whom rambling speeches and pontification are foreign.
Ted Kennedy wipes mustard off his mouth and brushes the crumbs off his shirt. A lone figure approaches the podium, radiating raw sexuality and pure evil. The sounds of Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries echoes through the chamber.
"Senators, Representatives, I would like to welcome you all to the Point Five Blog's First Annual 'Best Dressed Legislator' Awards Ceremony." I rip open my shirt, and my bare-chested torso glints and sparkles, drawing gasps of amazement from the audience.
A fresh chest shaving is important before any major speech.
This is the moment I have prepared for all week. I have endured many trials and suffered much heartache. I now have but one purpose, to fulfill my solemn duty to hand out awards.
Note: I will not be giving awards to female Senators as I do not recognize the 19th amendment.
The Robert C. Byrd Picture of Sen. Robert C. Byrd (D-WV) comes in 6th place with his dazzling dark red tie and crisp suit.
Rep. Nathan Deal (R-GA) takes home the less-than-expected 5th place trophy.
Underdog Rep. Don Young (R-AK) surprises critics and takes home the 4th place trophy with his snappy suit and charming smile.
Ken Salazar (D-CO), wowing judges with his daring blue tie, takes home the 3rd place trophy in a hotly contested race for 2nd
Although in a fierce race with Sen. Salazar, Sen. Sam Brownback (R-KS) dazzled judges with his mini-checkerboard tie, winning him 2nd place.
Treacherous Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) wins the 1st place trophy in an absolute blowout, taking 1st on every judges scorecard, but it is believed he will compromise with Sen. Byrd later this evening to take 6th.
And so I triumphantly conclude my trip to Washington. I will soon board the G550, and leave this hellhole of a city.
- The Evil Emperor Mindstation, P.Z.I.C.
>>The Final Post Just Ahead>>
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From: His Most Imperiousness The Evil Emperor Mindstation
When I hired you, you advertised yourself as experienced in 'Teamster style' repression. I must express my disappointment in your not controlling the masses with enough brutality.
Remember, a few broken thumbs go a long way.
In response to your plea for assistance, I advise you to proceed with the usual plan of allowing the peasants to seize the palace. Then, when they have taken up residence with their families: gas, rinse, repeat.
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