An Old Adversary Emerges From The Shadows

(To follow the Emperor's trip from the beginning, click here.)





Friday Morning

Yes, it is true I did not post last night.

The many congratulatory emails I have received since then have made the understandable assumption that my date ended in a night of sweaty passion and screams of pleasure.

But I fear my reason for not posting was not the fault of carnal indulgence, but rather a tragedy that I find it difficult to capture with words.

It has been a harrowing fifteen hours.


I arrived at the Target food court at 5:00 PM, just as Cindy and I had planned. I waited for several hours, munching on popcorn and all-beef hot dogs and microwave pizza in my nervous anticipation. All the while worrying what had happened to my love.

Some moments I was indignant. Does she know who she is standing up? My Elite Aryan Shock Troopers have destroyed civilizations! I am The Evil Emperor Mindstation!

I contacted Wal-Mart and tried to ascertain her whereabouts. They said they didn't have an employee named Cindy Brady. I tried to describe her, but they hung up. I called the phone number she gave me, and all I got was a valve manufacturer in Ohio. I searched for her name in the phone book. Nothing! I tried the names of her family members: Marsha, Greg, Jan, Peter, Bobby -- nothing! In desperation, I called the operator and was told that no one by the name of Cindy Brady lived in the D.C. area.

And then it became clear. No mere woman could have fooled me thus.

This was the work of a much darker force. Yes, dear readers, my old enemy. Nemesis and tormentor. The name which cannot be spoken: Haley Joel Osment.

It all became clear. The way the crowds in Wal-Mart had seemed to force me to register seven.

Her dyed black hair.
Her death-mask face, studded with bearings and baubles.
Her plump arms, tatooed with naked women being ravished by devils.

How could I have resisted such a vision? How could I have been such a fool?

And he knew all along I would take the bait. He knows me better than I know myself.

I spent last night wandering the streets of Washington, D.C., in a vain attempt to discover where he had locked her away. Mostly I sobbed. And even the sounds of Wagner's magnificient Ride of the Valkyries did not bring me the usual pleasure. I had Deiter and Franz stand back a bit, while I indulged in Imperial self-pity.


The solemn duty of Empire calls me now. I must complete the purpose that drew me to this bewitching city in the first place. I will plan my next move against my nemesis at some other time.


In the meanwhile, I shall vent my anger on Lars.


- The Evil Emperor Mindstation, P.Z.I.C.



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