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Saturday, July 16, 2005

Nuclear Experts Calm Fears Over China Threats

Posted by a4g @ 7/16/2005 06:00:00 AM

American nuclear scientists gathered today in an amazing show of solidarity to calm fears, after China's chilling threat to use a nuclear strike against the United States.

Gen Zsu of the People's Republic of China said in a speech on Thursday:

“We . . . will prepare ourselves for the destruction of all of the cities east of Xian. Of course the Americans will have to be prepared that hundreds . . . of cities will be destroyed by the Chinese.”

The truck mounted WO-13 "Fragrant Triple Green Jade with Multiple Warhead" nuclear missile
Gen Zhu was chosen to speak for the Chinese because they believe his name will "strike fear into ordinary Americans," based on their research into the American psyche via extensive study of comic book villians. Zhu is a self-acknowledged "“nutjob filthy commie"” who has warned that China could strike the US with long-range missiles.

But America's nuclear scientists have struck back with hard science.

"The nuclear strike against us would seem fearsome at first," said Dr. Roland McNurtry. "But it is well-known that Chinese radioactivity leaves the ecosystem within just a few hours. No matter how full our soil and rivers seem with deadly fallout, we would find ourselves ready to absorb another strike long before our next meal."

Scientists believe that the unique admixtures and methods of preparation of Chinese nuclear devices may have something to do with their short-lived potency. "We expect a level of general discomfort lasting from 30-45 minutes for the average American."

He noted however that some sensitive individuals might find themselves with a mighty headache. He said his group was recommending a large scale MSG detection network to help alleviate this danger.

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Comments are open and unmoderated.
Abusive, hateful or irresponsible comments were probably posted by one of the contributors.
At 7/16/2005 07:06:00 AM, Blogger Doug ...
Cry Havoc and let slip the dogs of war. Baste occasionally.
At 7/16/2005 08:45:00 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony ...
What is the daily allowance of MSG?
At 7/17/2005 11:48:00 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy ...
Thanks for explaining that.
I feel much better, now. :)

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