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Thursday, July 07, 2005

G8 Protester Among Dead in London Blasts

Posted by a4g @ 7/07/2005 06:17:00 AM

Just hours after a series of attacks rocked London, killing at least forty 37 40 and injuring more than 300 700, the body of a Crystal Pennings was found among the dead. Ms. Pennings, a member of Peace and Freedom United, was on her way to a protest of the G8 Summit, carrying seventeen cardboard signs that blamed the war in Iraq for Islamic terrorism.

Nick Baker, a spokesman for Peace and Freedom United, mourned the lost signs and wondered how they would be replaced. "Our protest is in under an hour, and that was our complete collection of anti-Iraq signs," he said. The group is now faced with the dilemma of whether or not to protest using their remaining collection of much older signs, which blame the war in Afganistan for terrorism, Israeli occupation of Palestine for terrorism, and US troops in Saudi Arabia for terrorism.

"She's dead because of Bush and Blair," said Baker.


Margaret Banks, through the collapse of a strange quantum superposition, survived the blast.
Prof. Lionel Horquist of Oxford University agrees. Using advanced computer modeling, he determined that if not for the Iraq war, Crystal Pennings would have survived. The blast would have instead killed Margaret Banks, who was riding on the bus one stop behind the one that blew up, on her way to visit cancer patients at the local hospital where she volunteers.

His calculations show that with no Iraq war, the terror cell of "The Secret Organization of al-Qaida in Europe" would have required three more minutes to prepare their press release, shifting the homicide bombers one bus back in the schedule. The bombings would have been precipitated not by the coalition invasion of Iraq, but instead by the aforementioned US troops on Saudi soil, or hegemony, or just because we looked at them funny.

Which has left Mrs. Banks in a peculiar position, finding herself in a bubble of borrowed time thanks to the little ripples of chaos theory. "I supported the war, so I kind of feel like this is my fault," she said.

Prof. Lionel Horquist concurs, "She absolutely bears responsibility. I always instruct my students to confront evil with passivity and understanding. True innocence comes only through victimhood, and the purity of victimhood comes only by never taking a stand."








Get The Real Story:

I'm not tracking back on this. Still, if you don't get that satire is deadly serious, you don't get it. Michelle Malkin has multiple posts up, Wretchard has analysis. Wizbangis actively updating. Captain Ed says we are all Britons today. And beautiful righteous anger from Citizen Grim and Patriot Xeno.






1 Comments:


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At 7/09/2005 01:44:00 PM, Anonymous Want-a-be victim ...
How can I become a victim too? They get real cool stuff like being on CNN, FOX or on the cover of TIME magazine. It’s so hard to do when I was rise to take reasonability for my own actions. How can I join the organization “VOWU” Victims of the world unite? Maybe you guys at Point Five can give me some advice on how to become a victim.
 

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