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Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Dem Dirty Tricks in Roberts Nomination

Posted by a4g @ 7/20/2005 06:28:00 AM

A broken fax machine in DNC headquarters delayed Democrat talking points receipients from "formulating their own opinions" on the John Roberts nomination last night. The delay gave Republican spokespeople a slight edge in the opening salvo of what promises to be a contentious battle to replace the open seat on the Supreme Court left in the wake of the retirement of jurist Sandra Day O'Connor.


The Democrat Meltdown Meter, buried deep within an "undisclosed location," inches ever closer to red with the announcement of John G Roberts as Bush's SCOTUS pick.
Point Five gained exclusive access to a Democrat planning session as the minority party discussed how to bitterly oppose the nominee, who most at the meeting described as "very well qualified" and "an extremely nice guy."

"Outrageous!" said one top Democrat operative. "The Chimp has a lot of nerve nominating Roberts, who we have very little against. Injecting that kind of twisted moderation into a politically charged environment like a judiciary battle is just another reason for us to oppose Bush and his cronies."

Chuck Schumer pressed hard his "won't answer questions" line of attack, but most at the meeting thought that Roberts refusal to answer questions such as "What is my favorite color?" and "What famous actress am I picturing right now?" didn't rise to the level of hysteria neccessary to block the nomination.

Linda Huron, who represented abortion-rights organization NARAL at the planning session, said, "Abortion. Abortion, abortion, abortion. Abortion abortion. Abortion abortion. Abortion!"

As much as all present agreed with her input, it was decided that her elaborate plan was perhaps a little too narrowly focused to "capture the imagination of the American people."

However, the dour mood changed to elation when Sen. Ted Kennedy, in an act of extreme selflessness, bravely offered up his own record to replace Roberts' in the confirmation battle. After which, all assembled seemed to agree that the fight had taken on a new life.

The Democrats have decided to attack Roberts on the following points:

  • Roberts was kicked out of Harvard for cheating.
  • Roberts is ranked second on the Book of Lists "Most Dangerous Clowns"
  • Roberts is a raging alcoholic whose slurred speech and reckless rhetoric makes him ill-suited for the court.


When Point Five asked about the difficult of changing a lifetime's worth of records for the two men, we were met with a blank stare. "Changing whaaa?"




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7 Comments:


Comments are open and unmoderated.
Abusive, hateful or irresponsible comments were probably posted by one of the contributors.
At 7/20/2005 08:37:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony ...
You know Roberts once left his car after an accident in a river with a woman inside, she drowned while he went to find an aliby
 
At 7/20/2005 08:48:00 AM, Blogger John Doom ...
Great Blog!
 
At 7/20/2005 01:02:00 PM, Blogger a4g ...
Dr. Phat -

I think Roberts first dried himself completely off, then went for drinks, then called his political advisors, then more drinks, then a few hours of sleep, more drinks, and then called police.

John Doom -

Correct!
 
At 7/21/2005 05:21:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony ...
That Roberts is a crafty one.
 
At 7/21/2005 05:21:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony ...
...and a lush.
 
At 7/21/2005 09:14:00 AM, Blogger Doug ...
Man, the parties that Roberts used to throw in Miami. Hoo-ee-dog!!!
 
At 7/21/2005 03:26:00 PM, Anonymous Former friend at the DNC ...
Dear p5,
I let your reporter into the secret world of the DNC so you could see how decisions are made and this is how you repaid me, by distorting the truth for your own little blog site. I got you in with fake NY Times credentials. You said you would the truth about what was said, for example you left out Linda Huron saying women’s right between abortion, abortion, what about the question that Sen. Schumer ask Judge Robert’s about changing the color of the robes that the justices wear. I did not see that question in your article. I just hope that what I did stays a secret, just remember Judith Miller.

Will you go to jail for me.

Former friend at the DNC
 

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