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Tuesday, July 05, 2005

BREAKING: Bush SCOTUS Pick to Be Greta Van Susteren

Posted by a4g @ 7/05/2005 06:46:00 AM

In the wake of the retirement of Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, as Democrats nervously dread the selection of someone like Brown, and Republicans dread a pick like Gonzales, the buzz in Washington is that President Bush may have already decided on a candidate. According to Point Five's highly place source, Bush will soon nominate Fox News superstar Greta Van Susteren to the nation's highest court. Immediate reaction from both sides of the aisle has been overwhelmingly positive, "brilliant" and "groundbreaking" among the responses we received.

Point Five computerized aging shows how Van Susteren will increase in wisdom on a predictable trajectory.
Van Susteren, an attorney-turned- broadcaster, has consistantly steered clear of controversial political topics that might give Senate Democrats ammunition against her. Instead, she concentrates on courtroom drama and cases such as the Natalee Holloway disappearance to take her to the very top of the cable news ratings.

"She's popular, she's smart, she's got it all," said Larry Roberts, a top DC attorney. "Who knows more about case law than Greta? I mean, Robert Blake, Michael Jackson, Scott Peterson. Who else can bring that to the table?"

Van Susteren promises to bring a new excitement to the normally dour Supreme Court, replacing dry, legalistic cases such as Exxon v. Allapattah with lurid cases of celebrity excess and a compelling docket full of endangered debutantes.

"This is going to be a court like no other. We all know it's only a matter of time before Tom Cruise kills somebody. And then there's near certain meltdowns coming from Lindsay Lohan, Tom Sizemore... and, of course, the always reliable Robert Downey, Jr."

Bush has had his eye on the veteran journalist since On The Record with Greta Van Susteren shot to the top of cable news ratings, and is said to be hoping that some of her startling popularity may rub off on an adminstration beleagered by a less-than-loyal opposition and continuing troubles in Iraq.

"Why fight the American people?" said Bush. "If they're tired of partisan bickering, and want 24 hour coverage of the latest missing white girl, who is Dubya to argue?"

Her ambiguous political views are seen by many as perfect replacement for O'Connor, who's relentless moderation steered the court down a swerving, drunken, middle-splitting path for over a decade.

Justice O'Connor was the first woman to serve on the Supreme Court. It is believe Ms. Susteren will be first justice to only speak out of the corner of her mouth.

Linked on Mudville and OTB.


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Abusive, hateful or irresponsible comments were probably posted by one of the contributors.
At 7/05/2005 07:12:00 AM, Blogger J. Blair ...
Greta gets bonus points for being a Scientologist. Wonder what Xenu teaches on abortion??

But, I still believe Sandra Oh'Clonnor will be the replacement.

At 7/05/2005 11:08:00 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony ...
Has she had a stroke because it's unnerving the way she speaks.

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