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Tuesday, June 28, 2005

"Happy Face" Sought in Connection with WalMart Death

Posted by a4g @ 6/28/2005 07:24:00 AM

UPDATE: Bump to top

Investigators are seeking the Happy Face in connection with the death of WalMart heir John Walton in a plane crash yesterday. The smiling yellow disembodied head is being described by police only as a "person of interest" at this point in the investigation.



Police believe that beneath the smiling exterior may lie the cold heart of a killer
John T. Walton, a decorated Vietnam veteran and beloved philanthropist, died Monday in the crash of his experimental plane in Jackson, Wyoming. Crash investigator Douglas Whittaker described the plane as "a cheaply-made Chinese knockoff, constructed with inferior materials, with extremely narrow aisles to sausage in customers -- er, passengers."


Police are focusing on the Happy Face after flecks of yellow paint were found around the engine compartment. It is believed that the Happy Face stands to gain a share of the substantial fortune left by Mr. Walton.


The Happy Face's previous run-ins with the law include mainly minor infractions resulting from defacing and knocking over signs and copyright infringement for illegal use of the Zorro mask.





Get The Real Story:

Blackfive has a great tribute to a great man.


UPDATE: Wyoming investigators have issued an all-points-bulletin and released the following photo in connection with the John T Walton tragedy. The suspect is believed to have left the state. Sightings have occurred as far away as California and Florida. The suspect is believed to be extremely dangerous. Police caution DO NOT APPROACH, if you see the suspect, call 911.

DO NOT APPROACH! CALL 911 IMMEDIATELY




Linked on Outside the Beltway, and Mudville Gazette.


Yes, it's satire.Link | Comment (5) |





5 Comments:


Comments are open and unmoderated.
Abusive, hateful or irresponsible comments were probably posted by one of the contributors.
At 6/28/2005 09:41:00 AM, Anonymous fudgesicle ...
You're going to hell for this one.
 
At 6/28/2005 11:34:00 AM, Anonymous Jo ...
I knew there was something wrong with that yellow person .. nobody is that happy all the time ;)
 
At 6/28/2005 05:27:00 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony ...
I think John Walton is soon to be the poster child for Target where customer competition is life and death. Oh thaks for stopping by A4G I put you on my linky thing.
 
At 6/29/2005 07:23:00 AM, Blogger mquest ...
Please don't blame the dog. This man was a philanthropist. The other Walmart family members felt that he was a disgrace to the walmart name and had him removed. All true members of the family must keep the money from the public of face death.
 
At 7/02/2005 04:15:00 PM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy ...
That's freaking hilarious!
Great stuff.
 

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