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Monday, June 06, 2005

Dean "Out-Crazy" Strategy Stumps Repubs

Posted by a4g @ 6/06/2005 06:41:00 AM

Republican leadership is struggling to respond to DNC chair Howard Dean's aggressive strategy to "out-crazy" Republicans, part of the former Vermont governor's bid to engineer a Democrat takeover of Congress in 2006.

In a furious barrage of wild overstatements, blathering diatribes, and loony predictions, Dean has left Republicans looking feckless and incapable of response. It is believed that Dean's plan is to dazzle and blind the average voter with near-psychotic ramblings, leaving the voter struggling in vain to comprehend the firey Dean. The equally dazed Republican response will end up looking wimpy in comparison to the boldly asserted gibberish spewing from the DNC Chair.

Inside sources tell Point Five that Dean has fueled his strategy with a combination of caffeine, alcohol, and Schedule I narcotics, achieving a state of near-nirvana which allows him to concoct-- on-the-fly-- statements such as "I would make the argument that America is safer when Democrats are in the White House, than when Republicans are in the White House."

Linguistic experts hired by Point Five have concluded unanimously that such a statement is virtually impossible to construct outside of the context of some form of chemical-fueled madness.

It was thought, earlier this month, that a landmark bi-partisan agreement signed by seven Republican Senators was sufficiently insane and self-defeating to counter the growing Dean threat, in one bold gesture catching up in the ever-widening "lunatic gap." But Thursday's speech has made Republican leadership quietly admit that they are simply being outmaneuvered by the slippery, constantly morphing Dean.

Republican Spokesman Dan Ringgold:
"We feel like we've brought a knife to a gunfight, a crazy gunfight. Where instead of a gun, Dean has 'crazy', and instead of a knife we have 'not quite as much crazy'. Does that make sense?

Listen, what I'm trying to say is that Dean is crazy. There isn't a gun or a gunfight. And no knife, either. I don't know where I was going with all that."




RELATED:
Dean to Dems: Embrace Radical Gay Agenda for Victory
Lexicologists Struggle to Keep Up With Dean
Preparing for a Long, Hard Winter







Linked on Basil's Blog, Mudville Gazette, Outside the Beltway.






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