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Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Bush to Unveil New "Border Defense" Policy

Posted by a4g @ 6/14/2005 06:45:00 PM

Bush listens to border plans with a skeptical ear.
President Bush is working on the last details of a dramatic new immigration plan that promises to cut down illegal border crossings to near-zero levels. The plan has caused shock among critics, who note the softness on this issue from both sides of the aisle....

The inspiration for the plan is said to have come from a high-level retreat with top cabinet members, where Bush asked for competing plans to stem the tide of illegals entering the US from Mexico. Point Five's source, a top Administration official speaking on the condition of anonymity, explains:

"The President listened to all the ideas: increased enforcement along the border; the completion and augmentation of a border fence; expanded prosecutions of employers. None seemed to catch his interest. He had heard all of these before-- he wanted thinking way outside the box."

It was then that the President presented his own bold plan to solve the problem.

In a speech next week, Bush is scheduled to announce the moving of 1330 statute miles of the US-Mexico border from the land stretching between California and Texas, to far inside the American interior, most likely in a large spiral shape centered deep within the Rocky Mountains.

Bush explains, "It's going to be pretty hard for Pedro, or Consuela, to cross the border when they find out Dubya done gone and moved it."

Immigrants' rights groups are said be outraged at the plan. "The spiral shape of the new border, along with its altitude, is guaranteed to cause dizziness and loss of balance among the few border crossers who can manage to reach it. We will see bodies piled hundreds deep at the bottom of sheer granite cliffs. Those that do survive the cliffs will undoubtably be trapped by blizzards and be forced to survive by adopting 'Donner Party' style cannibalism to survive."

They are calling for Bush to scrap his plan, and demanding an even more relaxed border policy than now, so as to ensure "the only plan with bipartisan support, the traditional two-class system of lords and vassals that ensures cheap labor for Republican fatcat donors, and Democrat supremacy in future elections."

Linked on Mudville Gazette, Wizbang, Outside the Beltway.


Comments are open and unmoderated.
Abusive, hateful or irresponsible comments were probably posted by one of the contributors.
At 6/14/2005 01:38:00 PM, Anonymous GOPLover ...
Hey? What's with the Bush bashing? I thought I was at Point Five, not the DUmpster.
At 6/14/2005 01:39:00 PM, Blogger a4g ...

Can't... resist... easy... Bush... jokes...

(Also, slow news day, we're sick of Jacko, so we pulled one out of the 'emergency' pile)
At 6/14/2005 04:55:00 PM, Anonymous Lance R ...
Man, you had me fooled for a minute. Thanks a lot. I thought my dreams had finally come true.
At 6/14/2005 04:56:00 PM, Anonymous ConservaGirl ...
Exactly. Ever heard of 'going too far?'

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