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Sunday, May 29, 2005

Point Five Sunday Roundup

Posted by a4g @ 5/29/2005 06:48:00 AM

BEVERLY HILLS, California
Director Oliver Stone has been arrested and charged with drug possession and driving while intoxicated. The absence of a charge for 'Alexander' goes to show that our nation's laws remain far too lenient.


FORT WORTH, Texas
The Department of Homeland Security is preparing to test a missile defense system designed for commercial airlines. The $10 billion project promises to be so effective in protecting airliners from the possibility of attack from shoulder-fired missiles smuggled into the country from Mexico, lawmakers on both sides of the aisle are elated that now absolutely no further action will need to be taken to secure America's borders.

MALE, Maldives
An exhausted President Clinton has cancelled a scheduled trip to the Maldives to visit tsunami-ravaged areas. In a related story, officials in Indonesia are struggling to find funds to enlarge hospital maternity wings in the wake of the Clinton visit. Also, in the coastal town of Unawatuna, Sri Lanka, tens of thousands of cigars litter the streets, but city officials are paralyzed, because "nobody wants to pick them up."

WASHINGTON, D.C.
John McCain is urging yet another compromise, this time on secret documents regarding John Bolton that Democrats have requested in an effort to delay the vote on the UN nominee. Which means I win the bet with my blogpartner Evil Emperor Mindstation! A knife can still stay sharp even after stabbing 48 million registered Republicans in the back.

NEW YORK, NY
A federal judge has cleared the way for the release of additional Abu Ghraib prison photos to the ACLU, finding the public has a right to see the pictures. Judge Alvin Hellerstein also ordered the release all information pertaining to the Manhattan Project to Nazi scientists, explaining, "I'm sorry I couldn't get these to you when you really needed them, boys, but if I can't betray my country in a time of war, I'll always take 'making a statement' as a close second."

TEMELIN, Czech Republic
Drudge reports that about 800 gallons of radioactive water leaked at troubled nuclear power plant near the Czech border with Austria. Corporate officers at Red Bull GmbH, headquartered in See, Austria, offered no comment when asked if there was any connection to the new, hastily announced energy drink Red Bull Ultra.

PARIS, France
Speculation swirls as voting begins in France on the historic EU Constitution, which polls show is likely to fail. European booksellers are nervous that their heirloom, leather-bound "family editions" of the Constitution will go unsold should the referendum fail. Weighing in at over 500 pages, and beautifully typeset with acid-free, gilded-edge pages, the Constitution, with its Byzantine subsections and bureaucratic doublespeak, is set to replace the Bible in most European homes, providing both mystical revelation and an improved version of God who will provide free-day care and 100% employment without all those annoying "thou shalt not's".


AMERICA
Here's some breaking news: a new Mercedes, Manolo Blahniks, and a motif tatooed above the crack of your ass will go out of style. We hope that courage, honor, and duty never do.




Pray for our fallen. Point Five Out.






1 Comments:


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Abusive, hateful or irresponsible comments were probably posted by one of the contributors.
At 5/29/2005 06:08:00 PM, Anonymous UNIONIST ...
To: Point Five Overseers
From: Unionist
Subject: Copyright picture violation

I see a picture that someone took on their visit to DC. I would like to know you that was?
 

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