/* */


Monday, May 23, 2005

Lexicologists Struggle to Keep Up With Dean

Posted by a4g @ 5/23/2005 06:35:00 AM

Meet Dr. James Bollinger. In the quiet, contemplative world in which he spends most of his days, the greatest excitement usually comes in the form of a particularly droll pun left in his inbox by one of his small circle of friends in the office.

Dr. Bollinger is a researcher for the Oxford English Dictionary, the premier repository of words in the English speaking world. He describes his specialty as "neologisms" (new words), and a lively day for him consists of reading and noting the subtle changes in usage for words as they are used in today's world.

But lately, his job has gotten a lot more difficult, as Dr. Bollinger has started a near war in the restrained world of lexicology.

Dr. Bollinger explains: "Since Howard Dean was made DNC chair, there have been a lot of all-nighter's here. For example, on Meet the Press over the weekend, Howard Dean said he 'doesn't go to church all that much,' but is irritated at those who would say that makes him a less-devoted Christian.

"So as the chroniclers and gatekeepers of language, we lexicologists need to ask ourselves, does that qualify as asshattery? Simple bufoonery? Or do we need to coin an entirely new language of idiocy for this Dean fellow?"

Dr. Bollinger is one of the most outspoken members on the staff that believes as professional lexicoligists, it is their responsibility to create words to deal with extraordinary situations. While a radical departure from the purely scholarly business of word study, Bollinger insists that now is a critical time for action.

As such, Bollinger has coined a long list of words to assist those who wish to discuss Dean's lunacy with greater meaning and accuracy.

  • Being well-known as a medical doctor, and mocking Rush Limbaugh's painkiller addiction by pretending to snort cocaine (Bollinger suggests the new term "Phallusistrope")
  • "The thing that really bothered me...is the insinuation that the president continues to make to this day that Osama bin Laden had something to do with supporting terrorists that attacked the United States." ("Scrotumnic")
  • "I hate Republicans and everything they stand for." ("Dicktorius")
  • Promising to use the effort to save Terri Schiavo against Republicans ("Douchepherous")
Bollinger's list also includes words such as wanktacular, buttpluggery, moronissmo, dumbshitological, ramcrammerous, and fucatuity.

The controversy will no doubt continue in the hallowed, quiet halls of research, as Howard Dean shows no sign of slowing down in his "trainwreckerous bitchslide into pontiferous assholophony."

Preparing for a Long, Hard Winter


Comments are open and unmoderated.
Abusive, hateful or irresponsible comments were probably posted by one of the contributors.
At 5/28/2005 11:30:00 PM, Anonymous UNIONIST ...
In stead of making new words to poke fun at Howard “the only man who will save the Democratic Party” Dean, maybe you should come up with new words that enlighten us to the meaning of how United Airlines can get out of paying its undefended pension obligations. The employees who paid into United Airlines pension all those years will now get only half or nothing when they retire? but the CEO and the rest of the Board of Directors will still get their million of dollars when they just quit working. Are there any new words for this travesty of justice?
At 5/29/2005 12:30:00 AM, Blogger The Evil Emperor Mindstation ...
Maybe the unionist shouldn't have agreed to a defined benefits plan and done the smart thing and invested in a 401k. It's not the companies fault that the unions are awful negotiators.
At 5/29/2005 05:56:00 PM, Anonymous UNIONIST ...
To: the evil emperor mindstation;

Since you are not part of any union, let me inform you. That most unions negotiate a defined set of benefits that companies agrees to pay. With UAL they dump their under paid pension on the American tax payer, so they don’t have to paid what they owned. But did the CEO and the board of director give up their Million dollars salaries, a big NO!
At 5/29/2005 07:30:00 PM, Blogger The Evil Emperor Mindstation ...
Actually, the UAL plan was dumped onto the government mandated insurance company that was set up to pay defaulted plans. The premiums were already paid by UAL, so this is a insurance company payout.

The FEAR is that further bailouts could bankrupt the insurance fund, thus resulting in a government bailout. But this is a fear only, at this point.

BTW - We support every American's right to unionize. The fact that it has been empirically shown to yeild lower wages, benefits, and job security just means more $$$$ for us.

Post a Comment

<< Home