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Wednesday, May 18, 2005

China Trade Warning a Feint

Posted by a4g @ 5/18/2005 07:09:00 AM

The New York Times reports that the US Treasury Dept issued a stern warning to China, vowing to pressure the world's largest communist nation to bring its currency practices in line with accepted practices.

Pres. Bush is convinced that Chinese nationals will be as easily duped by a westerner in makeup as the Japanese were in the movie 'You Only Live Twice'


In language far harsher than it has used before, the Treasury Department declared that China's fixed exchange rate between its currency, the yuan, and the dollar posed a risk to its economy and the economies of much of the rest of the world.

The administration stopped short of accusing China of outright currency manipulation, a move demanded by American manufacturers who complain that the Chinese have artificially undervalued their currency to make exports cheaper in the United States.




Point Five has learned that the move was largely a feint crafted by Bush circle insiders to occupy the Chinese needlessly with diplomatic matters while offering cover for the insertion of a team of covert agents led by US Secretary of State Condelezza Rice. Named Operation Rice, Bush's plan is to insert the tough-as-nails Condi behind Chinese lines, allowing her to blend seamlessly with the population. It is believed that Bush has decided to take a hard line against China because of their clampdown on his newest hobby, blogging.


Condi will become Kahn Dieh, America's own answer to James Bond


Some administration insiders are opposed to Operation Rice, chiefly Donald Rumsfeld, who believes that trying to insert a black woman into the heart of communist China is tantamount to suicide. President Bush, however, believes that the ruse will work. "After all, James Bond did it in 'You Only Live Twice'."


To prepare for the plan, teams of Hollywood makeup artists have spent weeks transforming Condi into 'Kahn Dieh', a faithful communist drone of Vietnamese ancestry whose parents emigrated to China from North Vietnam by special permission in 1971. Bush is confident the extensive backstory he personally created will be all the protection that Condi needs.


Once firmly implanted, it will be Condi's job to make contact with the underground resistance in China's vast army of child workers. It is believed their little hands and intimate knowlege of the small, delicate inner workings of complex, battery driven Happy Meal toys will make them perfect accomplices to create President Bush's super weapon, a five hundred foot high giraffe, tie-in for the Melman character in the upcoming animated movie Madagascar, with laser beam eyes, that will lay waste to Taipei.



Bush's ultimate plan involves this five-hundred-foot mechanical giraffe, with laser beam eyes and the voice of David Schwimmer.




This has been a precision guided humor assignment.






4 Comments:


Comments are open and unmoderated.
Abusive, hateful or irresponsible comments were probably posted by one of the contributors.
At 5/18/2005 09:32:00 AM, Blogger Patriot Xeno ...
You know who they really need? CAPTAIN AMERICA!

because he's so awesome.
 
At 5/18/2005 04:36:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous ...
To: Blog site Manager
From: Office of Homeland Security

This is an officially request for the Office of Homeland Security.

Please suspend all comments about “Operation Rice”.
Just remember what about with that article in “Newsweek”.
And remember what happen to the reporter.

Thank you;
Office of Homeland Security
 
At 5/18/2005 04:45:00 PM, Blogger a4g ...
Homeland Security --

Our unnamed sources told us something about someone, and as badge-wearing, acne-covered Citizen Journalists, we hold it as An American Birthright to report the Truth as we would have it be.

You'll take our faux patriotism from our cold, dead hands.
 
At 5/20/2005 11:57:00 AM, Anonymous Harvey ...
ROTFL! :-D

Oh, and I'll send cookies to you in whatever Evil Capitalist gulag they stick you in :-)
 

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