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Thursday, May 12, 2005

Afghan Riots Kill Seven, Over Quran 'Innocent Mistake'

Posted by a4g @ 5/12/2005 06:33:00 AM


"We just thought he had pinched off a steamer."

When interrogators allegedly dropped the Quran in the shitter at Guantanamo Bay, they had no idea that their actions would lead to the deaths of wild-eyed, crazy-ass Islamists a half a world away. Riots have erupted in the streets of Jalalalalalalabad, Afghanistan, after news of interrogation techniques that involved flushing the Quran down the stink-hole, rather that just cutting off fingers or savage beatings.

Lt. Joe "Crankshaft" Crankhill, an interrogator at Guantanamo, explains: "We saw it [the Quran] sitting on the floor of the cell. We didn't really think much about it. We just thought the detainee had just pinched off a steamer, so we chucked it in the bowl."

The Quran is the holy book of Islam, often described as the world's third 'great religion' to spare the feelings of the Muslims.

It has been speculated that the Quran flushing was part of a CIA strategy to get fanatic Muslims to rise up in moral outrage, so they could be identified and tracked. Previous attempts alleged to have been instigated by the CIA have been utter failures. These include: the murderous regimes of Muslim tyrants worldwide; the systematic subjugation, mutilation and murder of wives and daughters; and the complete failure of economic models, widespread poverty and hopelessness. None have ever provoked any measurable outrage.

A spokesman for Donald Rumsfeld, US Secretary of Defense, assured Point Five that there was no active strategy on the part of the US to provoke Muslim anger, that the situation in Afghanistan was merely a happy accident. The spokesman noted, however, that the Secretary has already expressed interest in using the Quran flushing technique as part of his 'fly paper' strategy in the War On Terror. "At a kill rate of seven fanatics per book, this new 'Swirly' attack is going to give the United States Marine a run for his money. We've already ordered close to 300,000 Qurans to combat the estimated two million jihadists worldwide."






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