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Tuesday, April 26, 2005

"Not One Dime More" Campaign Credited For Record RNC Fundraising Dollars

Posted by a4g @ 4/26/2005 11:41:00 PM

The Republican National Committee, chief fundraising organ for the party, today announced record-setting fundraising efforts, measured against to the comparable period in April, 2001.

"Even adjusted for inflation," says Ken Mehlman, RNC chair, "We're outpacing every goal we had set earlier in the year."

Point Five has learned, through a highly-placed source, that the incredible numbers are directly the result of Karl Rove's secret "Not. One. Nickel. More." fundraising drive.

"The outrageous behavior of the Democrats has reached such a saturation," our source tells us, "that fundraising dollars were starting to flatline. It was a cause of serious concern."

Calls were made. Hand signals given. Deep within his subterranean lair, the dark lord of the GOP, Karl Rove, pondered for nearly a week before revealing his plan.

Rove quietly proposed a two point strategy. First, enrage the base with a coordinated, limp-wristed response to every Democrat outrage, especially the filibuster of judicial appointments. Second, initiate a "grassroots" campaign based on revolutionary WalMart-type, high-volume tactics. Instead of large contributions from fat-cat donors, Rove's would extract $.04 from each and every infuriated Republican. The total take: unprecedented. Implementation was left to "independent" blogger Ed Morrisey, of Captain's Quarters Blog.

A confidential source very close to Mr. Morrisey tells us that it was Ed's innovation to change the name to "Not. One. Dime. More.", thus more than doubling the projected revenues from the current fundraising drive.

For this insolence, Rove ordered certain punishments be carried out on Mr. Morrisey, that our confidential source would not elaborate upon. (HT: Mrs. Morrisey)

Point Five was not able to learn the total take of $.09 donations, as our servers have begun crashing unexpectedly and our Windows installations have become extremely unstable, but we believe it to be sufficient to finance installation of mind-control devices in the all of the few "independent Republican" Senators that have dared question Rove's party apparatus.

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Outside The Beltway


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