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Friday, April 22, 2005

GOP Leadership Prepares to Bring 'Sissy Fight' Techniques to Judicial Confirmation Battle

Posted by a4g @ 4/22/2005 09:34:00 PM

As the Republican base agonizes over the seemingly endless delays in the lead up to the momentous rules change that will break the filibuster over President Bush's judicial nominees, Captain's Quarters reports that the fight may finally come to the floor. And Senate Republican leaders are quietly preparing an arsenal of techniques that they will employ against the Democrats.

Helping prepare them is Stu Galertner, known as "Hot Pepper", a 79 year old boxer-turned-trainer who went 12 tough rounds with NABF champ and world title challenger Joey 'Iron Fist' Pattico in 1944.

"With these boys, you don't try anything fancy," says Stu. "We're sticking to the basics." Galertner works each day with Senators Frist, Santorum and a select group of others, but his biggest challenge is trying to get them to fight.

"There's lots of scratching. Lots of scratching. And slapping. And running away." The aged fighter leans wearily against the ropes. "Lots of running away."

As we talked, a sparring partner was chasing Senator Frist around the ring, while Senator Santorum threw sponges girly-style from a water bucket at Senator Frist's pursuer. Senator Lugar hid behind a corner post, weeping.

"We don't want any one-on-one battles. The Democrats are natural born fighters. Eye-gouging, throat-punching, rip-your-head-off-and-shit-in-the-hole killers. They'll tear these poor boys apart."

Still, Galernter has hope. His game plan is to teach street techniques that even the sissy-boy Republicans will be willing to use.

"One man on all fours behind a Democrat, the other pushing. Classic technique. A handful of sand in the eyes--can't miss. And don't forget the crotch kick. Damn I hope they don't forget the crotch kick. You could never show your face in this gym again after fightin' like that -- but this gym ain't the US Senate.

And these boys, they ain't fighters."

UPDATE: Polipundit reports that Frist may have grown a set -- Thanks Stu!

Republicans to stage HMS Pinafore
WaPo set to announce judicial shocker


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At 4/24/2005 12:40:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous ...
Is it really necessary to make fun of the Republicans? Just because they can fight, does not mean that they will just roll over and play dead. Maybe it is a ploy to lure the Demarcates in to a false sense of security. Remember how Neville Chamberlain lured Hitler into think that he wanted “Peace in our time”. Then Winston Churchill came along, maybe Tom Delay will be like Churchill.
At 4/24/2005 10:56:00 AM, Blogger a4g ...
The Tom Delay/Churchill analogy is especially adept. Great observation.

Note these other eerie parallels from their lives:

Churchill, author and statesman
Delay, ex-exterminator and BBQ cooker

Damn. I'm getting creeped out.

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